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An Idiots Guide to Jubilee Party

Have you ever asked yourself: I am a Jubilee Supporter how do I show my Jubilant love for Jubilee party, how will the world know am a Jubilant, How do I know someone is a Jubilee supporter, How can I show my commitment to Jubilee government, what does it take to be a member of Jubilee?

Well, look no further. This is the article for you.

Jubilee Mantra 

This is the Ultimate Idiot guide to everything Jubilee, Jubilee party, Jubilee government Kenya (JAP, JAPO, JAPATI, and JPK)

  1. Blame Raila- for everything. If the sun does not shine Blame Raila. Youre broke, Blame Raila. Your wife left you, Blame Raila.

  2. Posting online: Make sure you post statements such as: Raila is doing it for his master’s, Raila will never be president, Luo are poverty stricken, Uhuru is the chosen one, Raila wants nusu mkate.

Here, you have to make sure you disregard any voice of reason like people who say things like: Poverty affects all tribes. Ignore such people, they think too much. Also, we have no proof that Raila wants Mkate; if anybody challenges you, just tell them you know Raila more than he knows himself.

  1. Twitter and Facebook: As a staunch Jubilee supporter, you have to like all pictures of Uhuru Kenyatta and William Ruto. You also have to re- tweet everything they tweet and occasionally tell them how you are touched by their humbleness. Humble like Jesus Christ who used to ride a donkey. Feel free to attack/troll anyone who writes negative things about the Jubilee government even if what they are saying is true. For example, when someone says, putting electricity in a mud house is a stupid idea, you respond; why don’t you accept development? You see what I did there? I diverted the attention to them. Now, they are confused. Other Jubilee supporters will join in and support your comment because we support each other all the time even in stupidity.

  2. Dennis Itumbi: Have you watched the TV show SCANDAL? If not, please stop here and go watch it. Dennis Itumbi is like Olivia Pope of Scandal; if Olivia Pope was a man, a man with low mode of thinking with a job he not qualified for and duties he didnt  comprehend. As jubilee supporters, you have to follow Mr.Itumbi’s twitter handle and re tweet him. Otherwise, you will not be considered a true Jubilant. You see Itumbi works in the Jubilee Kitchen. So, if you want to know what’s cooking, follow him, it’s the Jubilee thing to do.

  3. A true Jubilant defends the Jubilee government regardless of how idiotic they look. Take a cue from Hon. Moses Kuria and Hon.Aden Duale. They have made a fool out of themselves but they are still standing. Stand strong in your idiotic statements and actions is evidence of your commitment to Jubilee. The more idiotic, bizarre and downright illegal, the better. Even when people think you need a mental check-up at mathare or alcohol has ruined your chain of thoughts, stand strong. At Jubilee party we celebrate mediocrity and stupidity. Knock yourself out after all; we can always blame……Raila.

  4. Refuse to be confused by logical people that say things like money has been stolen by Jubilee politicians. You are a Jubilant as such you should not bother your brain with thinking too much or stating the obvious like ‘you promised to tarmac the road but two years are down the line but the road has not been tarmacked’. Deep thinking and intellectualism hurts our brains. Just revert to rule number 1.

  5. We support the Kenya Media and Church only when they say positive things about us: All Jubilee supporters are strong Christians, We pray a lot, prayer is an obsession. We talk to God. We only support the media 100%, only, when they say positive things about us. When they say negative things about us we know they are talking to Raila hence we attack them. We know what God is thinking, so; we don’t understand why the church would not support us. In everything we put God, even if it’s a sin, we still put God. Why? Because we are Jubilee and if God wanted to stop us, he knows how to do it. Also, God did not bring the opposition in our lives to stop us. Those are lies from Raila. To be safe, if the church does not support us, rule 1 applies, blame Raila.

 

Lastly, being a Jubilant is easy as 1, 2, and 3 or A, B, C. Just don’t think too much the Jubilee leaders will do the thinking for you. Don’t ask questions. Listen. Be a good boys and girls. STOP THINKING!

We are working on how to successful equate the Kenya opposition to a terrorist organization .Stay tuned on any latest developments. We are really trying. Raila does not appreciate that we wake up, brush our teeth and take a shower. He thinks these things just happen. We work hard Raila.

 

What we do to Kenyans who think too much. (From: https://media4.giphy.com/media/ehbUvMju18N1K/200_s.gif)

 

Not thinking is the hall mark of a true Jubilee supporter. This the basic guide of being a true Jubilee supporters. Feel free to input your own contributions.

Article by a CNYAKUNDI.COM Contributor . You can contribute any good article and send to [email protected]


Would you like to get published on this Popular Blog? You can now email Cyprian Nyakundi any breaking news, Exposes, story ideas, human interest articles or interesting videos on: [email protected] Videos and pictures can be sent to +254 710 280 973 on WhatsApp, Signal and Telegram.


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